Here is a copy of a note that I wrote on facebook at Aaron's two year anniversary this past Thanksgiving:
Two years ago, I was a junior in high school worried more about how difficult my school year would be. Two years ago, I was sitting at STA youth group listening to the Knowles family explain how their little daughter's life was cut short because of cancer. Two years ago, I was thinking to myself how lucky I was that I was healthy, my family was healthy, and my friends were healthy.
Two years, It's been two years.
Thanksgiving is supposed to be about family and friends, turkey and apple pie, Black Friday shopping and putting up Christmas decorations. My Thanksgiving that year did not include any of those things. Family and friends were replaced with immediate family, doctors, and nurses. Turkey and apple pie were replaced with endless Friendlies sundaes and Pizza Plus bought to dull the pain. Black Friday shopping and putting up Christmas decorations were replaced with a run to Walmart to buy a much needed PSP game and lots of medicine. Thanksgiving 2005 was full of tears.
November 23, 2005. We were supposed to go to New York to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Instead, Adam and I headed off to Aunt Kristan's, while Dad headed to the hospital to join Mom and Aaron. Thank you Jess and Mrs. Condon for trying to calm my fears on the phone that night.
November 24, 2005. Thanksgiving. By far, the worst day of my life. The only day of my life where I cried more than I smiled. That day I became addicted to Dunkachinos to dull the pain. Dad, thanks for being so strong as you told Adam and I the news. Kristan, thanks for not revealing anything until we got home and Dad could tell us. Security guards at CCMC, thanks for letting me and Adam go up before visiting hours. Walking into that room, I will never forget what Dad said, "Don't cry, if you do it will upset him". I couldn't stand being in that room for very long at first. I couldn't handle all of the wires, all of the IVs, all of the machines. I couldn't handle your paleness, your utter helplessness. I couldn't handle not being able to protect you like an older sister should.
Erika, you were the first person I called. I knew you could help. Thank you for listening patiently on the phone and consoling me like only another older sister in this situation could. Your support and help throughout this whole process has made such a difference in my life. Thank you also to the rest of the Hilborns. You've shared your journey and experiences with us, as we have shared with you. Thank you for your endless encouragement and comfort. Thanks to Team in Training for all that you do. Eventually, I hope to join your ranks.
Aunt Jana, Uncle Dan, Jake, and Matt, thank you for cutting your vacation short to come help us. Aunt Julie, oh how I can ever repay you for how much you have helped my family on numerous occasions- that first week, Boston, and all of the other times you rushed to our family's rescue. You were a loving comfort and when you left that first week, Mom and I remarked about how worried we were about what would happen next.
Thanksgiving 2005 came and went. I spent the whole weekend rocking back and forth in the rocking chair by your bedside. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as we drove away from the hospital. For a whole week, I only slept when I napped in your room. I couldn't handle being away from you, worried that something would happen if I wasn't there. Then, back to school.
Mrs. Shand, thanks for helping my whole entire family through this process. I also knew that I could come to your office and you would be there to welcome me with open arms. Madame, how can I thank you enough. You were the first teacher to know. You helped explain to the class what happened. You gave me breaks on homework and quizzes. You were always there if I needed someone to talk to of if I needed some place to cry. Mrs. Hostetter, thanks for always making sure that I was keeping up with my work. Thanks for letting me just sit in your room alone and think sometimes. Thanks for listening.
Sarah, thanks for always being able to keep my mind off of what was going one, if only for a few seconds. Thank you for being patient with me when I got upset or could not hang out for weeks on end. Jess, thanks for all of the food you and your mom brought me. Thanks for the Cosi lunches that would brighten up my day. Thank you both for being such great friends.
Erin, thank you for always being a comfort before school, during Latin, and any time that I needed you. I always knew that I could come to you and just cry. Thanks for hugging me when you could just tell that I needed it. Thanks for getting my homework for me when I missed school. Thanks for talking to other when you knew that I would not be able to do so myself. Thank you for being such a great friend
Kolby, I always knew that I could count on you to make me feel better. You don't know this, but I loved when you and Max came to the hospital. It was the only then that Aaron always smiled.
For a whole year, CCMC MS8 became my second home, or rather my first home. I spent more time there than I would have ever imagined possible. The doctors, nurses, other patients, and their parents became my whole family. TO all of the friends I made- Laura, Lisa, Tristan, Cayden, Ben, Adrian, and many others - thanks for allowing me into your rooms to hang out and just have some good old fun. To all of the parents who became my surrogate parents, thanks for always giving me a comforting hug.
My afternoons spent at the hospital after school and my weekends spent there were my most favorite times of the day. In the face of all of the sadness, there was hope every where. Sitting in the hospital was the only way that I could focus on anything. I will always remember the comfort, Aaron, that you brought me as a I studied for midterms, AP exams, and finals by your bedside. I loved just sitting in the rocking chair doing sudoku while you slept. You gave me the comfort that I hope I gave you.
To all of the doctors that I stared down and questioned, thank you for explaining everything to my family. Dr. Isakoff, Dr. Gillan, Dr. Hagstrom, Dr. Parik, and Dr. Altman, along with all of the nurses, thank you for saving my brother's life. I owe you the world.
June 11, 2006. We thought we had come so far. You were still very sick, but getting better every day. Thank you to the staff at Fenway Park, thank you David Ortiz for hitting the ball that saved his life, thank you to the doctors at Children's Hospital. Grandma, thanks for taking me and Adam out to dinner every night for 5 days. It gave me something to look forward to. I never would have thought that picking out what to eat from a resturant menu would comfort me. Thank you to all of my friends and teachers who were right there to comfort me. Hon, I'm sorry that it was your worst birthday ever. I hope that the one that you've had since has been much better.
Thank you to The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for bringing my real brother back to me and for giving Adam a chance to just have fun without worries. You have made such a difference in my life. Going to camp makes me feel at home. I hope to give back to you what you have given to me and my family. Thank you for sending us to Hollywood. Charlie Ebersol, thank you for sharing your stories with us. Teddy is in our minds everyday, especially for me when I look at Aaron and realized just how lucky I am. Make-A-Wish, thank you for an amazing All Star game wish. It was just the type of vacation that our family needed.
Two years. More than that now. You're done! You're really done! Thank you for being so strong, thank you for enduring the pain, thank you for taking all of those pills, thank you for drinking the yellow paint meds! Thank you for being luckier than some.
I will always remember the pain and hurt that my family suffered two years ago. Two years ago when our life became encircled in on acronym- ALL.
For all of those who have not been as lucky as my family, especially Timmy, Taylor, Jacob, and now Adrian. We miss you and we think about you every day. You and the rest of those who have been affected are the reasons why much more research needs to be done. We need to create new protocols that can help save the lives of other children.
Two years. I am now a freshman in college. Living up in Boston, in a dorm room with new friends and new classes. I am living a life that is not centered around cancer 24/7. It is a peaceful life, it is a relief from the life that I have become used to over the past two years. To my friends here, Ciara, Kelly and Victoria, who have heard my story and have been there to offer support when I just needed to talk, thank you. For those who have yet to year my story, thanks for not questioning. I like my new life. I like not having to think about what happened every day. I like having weeks on end when I do not cry myself to sleep.
Often, however, I am reminded about what happened those two years ago. My life was changed forever that Thanksgiving 2005. Thanks for all of you who have stood by my side and supported me. Thanks to my family for staying so strong. And of course, thank you Aaron. You have made such an impact on my life and I love you so much!
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